Jan 02, 2019 Weekly Recap

EU has expanded to seven divisions as of this new season, and it’s been an interesting seven divisions so far. Through quirks of holidays, the European part has just had matches made for round 7, meaning that the playoffs are nearing as well over here, though they are a bit further off still. 

Division 7

Last season, PLagueMakers barely lost out on making it to the Cup. Tiebreakers were involved, and unfortunately, they lost. This season, however, they are dominant in Division 7. Sure, they’ve dropped two maps, but otherwise, they are the sole team left that has yet to drop a series for whatever reason. Moreover: they’ve also managed to defeat two of the three teams in closest pursuit; it was not an easy road to get here for sure. Their sole weakness seems to be two lane maps, but at only two games lost, that might well be a fluke.

Heavy Metal Fans and Only Fools and Heroes were those teams that only lost to the number one. The Fans are no fans of ETC, but are fine with playing every variety of Varian there is: all three specs have made their appearance so far. Only Fools and Heroes specialise in Braxis Holdout, and are also in a position where they can influence the outcome of the division greatly. They will be facing off against the other teams on four wins and nine maps - including the Fans and Proper Lads, who have drawn the PLagueMakers as well later on. It’s not looking easy for these teams, so maybe one of the teams on only eight maps can jump over them.

Naturally, no Division 7 review should be done without mentioning the Sloth Highlords, for reasons that should be fairly self evident. They find themselves in the middle of the pack, but since they are sloths, I’m certain they are just slow to start. Just ahead of them is the team with the longest name of the season: Jimmy and the gender neutral lords of the Underworld. Fairly unsurprisingly, they’ve yet to be cast this season, even though Khaldor has been on a tear casting some Division 7 games. 

Two FATs remain, and both Optimus and Megatron aren’t having the best of seasons, being all the way at the bottom of the table. Tied, too, and it seems likely that there will be a clash between them in the next round. We might want to hide the AllSpark if that’s the case.

Division 6

There is a bit of a goblin infestation at the top of the standings here. Portrait Goblins to be exact. With trusty Jaina and Muradin crossing factions to help them out, the Goblins have made it to the top; though not unbeaten. Southgate Boiz, recently vocally looking for a new melee flex, and Body Block Crew, also of last season’s Division 5, are undefeated, though. I do have to wonder what the Crew thinks of the hitbox changes that cause their namesake to be that much harder, though. So far, they’ve been throwing Garrosh and Blaze at the problems, to great success.

The title of ‘teamname most likely to show up in a fantasy novel’ goes to Gilborey Hasse’ara, who are sitting in fourth so far with Artanis leading the charge for them. Additionally, they are a team of eight people, which makes any form of scouting that bit harder to figure out as you might ban out heroes that aren’t even played by the five people in the game. A bit lower than them we find the sole remaining FAT of Rodimus, who are doing well by themselves at four wins from five series. They most certainly aren’t trolling when they pick up Zul’jin, that’s for sure.

However, if you want to theme this Division, sister teams would be it. We have, in order of results so far: CoB Schuldfrage?, Jormungandr Pink, Project HIVE White, On Emerald Wings, and CoB Puppies in Shark Tanks. However, it hasn’t been the best of seasons for any of them,  as even the highest team in this list has a paltry two wins out of six series played, with six maps won in total. This does happen, though, and it’s not like there hasn’t been any fratricide either: Schuldfrage beat the Puppies 2-0 back in Round 2.

Division 5

For now, there are two teams undefeated. I say for now, because about twenty-four hours after this blog goes up, Team Moon Moon and 4.FuN are going to clash, deciding who is going to be the top dog in the Division. Team Moon Moon have yet to lose a map the entire season, but overconfidence is a slow and insidious killer. Both teams also have some interesting hero picks near the top of the list, featuring a Tyrael and an Uther respectively. Simply divine, I suppose.

The loser joins the Owl Exterminators. This bunch are known to have it out for Tinyowl, but since she plays in Division 4, the only way that any exterminating is going to happen outside of Doctor Who episodes is for them to end up in the playoffs. So far, they are in a good spot to make that happen, but the season has four rounds remaining, and as Lounge is well aware… Everything is clownable.

Aggressive bronzes and ScrapTheMeta both live up to their name to some degree. Especially the aggressive part: the Bronzes have drafted Genji several times this season, alongside heroes like Kerrigan, Diablo, Tyrande… It’s put them at a respectable four out of five so far, but teams are cottoning on to the Genji, who’s been banned or picked in every single game. As for ScrapTheMeta… They need only a One Man Wrecking Crew, and they are quite fond of playing the goblin, as well as shilling for Olive Oil. (No, really, check their team message.) Meanwhile, Rainbow Deathwing aren’t living up to their name and aren’t picking the Nexus’s cutest psychopath. Brightwing sad now. It’s still a decent position for them, though, at three out of five and eight won maps.

FAT Grimlock are the sole FAT surviving, recently reactivated after missing a few rounds. Elsewhere in the table, we find two warrior teams, and of those, the Vodka Warriors are doing the best. A little liquid courage never hurt, it seems. Waffle Tier Warriors, on the other hand, are… Well… I wish it hadn’t been the case, but so far, nomen est omen for them, as they are an unfortunate last in the division. Dehaka has shown up for all of their wins, though, so perhaps prioritising him could prove essential to going up in the table a bit.

Division 4

Two undefeated teams here in the middle of EU, and for once, the Swiss matchmaking is on point, making them face off in Round 7. Who are they? They are Team Lilium and Lumpensammler, both having won all five of their matches so far. Lilium has dropped fewer maps, but their clash will be a hotly contested one, and that includes the played heroes department. Garrosh, Tyrande, Whitemane, and Diablo all show up on the first page of the team statistics, with Lumpensammler preferring the inhabitants of Kalimdor and Lilium the latter two of that list. Mentally 10 is in close pursuit, and they have already played one of the two teams - in the first round no less. Of note is that they’ve got a 100 % winrate with Orphea, for now the newest hero in the Nexus.

Speaking of new heroes: Sloth Sanctuary might need the just-announced Imperius to spur them on, as last season’s high-flying Division 3 team isn’t doing terribly hot this season. I suppose it is one way to avoid being exterminated by a certain Division 5 team, but I don’t think that was part of the plan.

Other locations in the Division include Vacation in Purgatory, which to me sounds like drab surbania in summertime. The ViP members have an interesting relationship with Gul’dan, who has been picked, banned by, and banned against them three times each. Not a combination you see every day. Appropriately, they have three series under their belt so far. Team Simple Geography round out the map trio here, and they are on that pretty decent four out of five that has been mentioned before. Simple, yet effective.

Teamnames, it has to be mentioned, can be very creative, but occasionally, there are teams that give casters nightmares. Writers, too, though at least they can use good old copy and paste. This hasn’t stopped people from misspelling the name of Magical Liopleurodon before, and they are merrily continuing what they did last season: ending up around the middle of the table, with a score approaching 50 %. Absolutely nothing is wrong with that. What is likely to be wrong, though, is most casters’ pronunciation of Bohaterowie Bezrobocia, who are somewhat near the bottom of the table, but probably top the charts on difficult names at first glance. My Polish, however, is very unpolished, so make of that what you will.

Halfway done. Next stop: NA’s top three divisions. Hope you join me for that tomorrow!


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Jan 03, 2019 Weekly Recap
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